Written April 2013
Today was just a crappy day. I woke up feeling not so hot, knowing I would have to work a 12 hour day. Mostly meetings, of course which is worse than watching episodes of Barney over and over again. I was 100% completely out of sorts. I felt like the Carnival cruise ship Triumph today. Just listing off course with a hole in its side. Not the most attractive behavior if I don’t say so myself. In reality, I was on the P Train.
The “P” Train is Pity. Poor old me. Boo hoo. Sometimes my head really messes with me. “You’re not worth it.” “You’re too old.” “You’re overweight.” “You’re not good enough.” “You don’t do enough.” I will tell you when my brain does this – it’s like the most thickest fog I’ve ever dealt with in my entire life. I hate it. It makes me absolutely unbearable. I felt that anything that came out of my mouth today was either a.) A whiny old cow or b.) the biggest bitch on Earth. Pretty huh? Not so much.
I wish I could tell my readers why I felt like this, but I can’t. If I knew what it was, gosh – I would certainly chime right in and tell the world. I feel bad for my close friends and family because if I try to articulate my opinions, thoughts and feelings – I sound like a blithering idiot. I tried that today and failed miserably. I should have done what I always do….keep it inside for about 5 days so I can think about what I am going to say. Maybe I should hire a committee to go through my thoughts before I open my mouth? Yes, a committee. That just might work.
Writing my experiences, thoughts and opinions here are my solace. It is my sanity (or lack of – take your choice). It is the best way for me to communicate where my head is at without opening my mouth. Now everyone knows why I write a blog, because when I open my mouth I am a true asshole.