Personal Stories

It’s Complicated.

Written August 2013. 

<a href="photo credit: Will Lion via photopin

I am a person of my thoughts.  I tend to keep these thoughts to myself until I have disseminated to the point where I can talk about it – if I can.  Let me explain that.  I am a person who compartmentalizes everything in my life.  I have a shelf for my personal relationships with family, one for co-workers, one for acquaintances etc,.  That’s how I get through life most times.  The main reason I have this site is so I can articulate into written word in what I just cannot verbalize.  I wish I could handle all of my life this way, but I know it’s just impossible.  A girl can dream, right?

I am of the school of thought that you create your own circumstances by what you allow within your sphere of influence.   I’ve spent a few days in my own quiet head thinking to myself – why do I make my life so complicated?  You see, it’s not what’s thrown at you at any given day.  Some of that you can control, and of course some of it you can’t.  It’s what a person allows to influence them – good or bad.  It’s how a person reacts to any situation given to them.  It’s either glass half full or empty (although I hate that analogy, but it’s all I have for now).  Finally:  It’s what a person accepts themselves to be treated by others.

After re-reading my post earlier this week titled “Our Own Worst Enemy,” which was a subject about frustration that I believe women have that they have to be “Wonder Woman.”  Even though it would be cool to have a Wonder Woman suit to cruise around town in.  We have to do for you, him, kids, family, work, and God knows what else before WE put ourselves FIRST.  I am finally learning that I can’t be everything for everyone all the time.   I am realizing now however that I make my life incredibly complicated and I really don’t have to.  We, as women, don’t have to.  Now, our brains are a bit different than men’s but they seem to have the First Prize in how not to make things so difficult.  We need to learn that.

I am now centering in my thinking on my “sphere of influence.”  Who really does influence me?  Who are those people?  Should they really be in my realm of consciousness?  If it’s not a positive reinforcement in my life, why am I still allowing that to be a part of my life?  Since there are many “items” in my life that is changing right now, I need to look at who is knocking at my door and quite frankly – do I want to answer it anymore?  I am beginning to use the following mantra:  “If it doesn’t “feel” (seem) right, is it really “right” for me?  I am finding when I am the most quiet and can just hear myself breathe without any interruptions – that’s the best time for me to make those decisions.  It’s a pinch of  brain smarts, and a cup of intuition.  Women need to be more tuned into our sense of intuition – but we self-doubt it at every turn.  We are taught to do that.  I am unlearning that bad behavior now before it’s too late.

It is of my own personal opinion that women keep on keeping on because they want to be liked, appreciated and loved.   However, it’s when women accept people or situations into your sphere “as is” …. when it’s hurtful to their souls that it is NOT okay.  How does one believe they would be appreciated and loved when being shitted on is received in return?   Again, it’s your sphere of influence that can set you free by what you choose to keep you in your life or be in a prison of your own lack of self-love and happiness.  You can’t be useful to anyone else in your life if you don’t love, appreciate and care of yourself.  It’s just that elegantly simple.

Please note that phrase again:  “If it doesn’t “feel” (seem) right, is it really “right” for me?Remember  Please add “Myself” and “I” too.   Again, it’s seems so COMPLICATED to think that Me, Myself and I are so difficult to say.   I make it complicated, but now I am learning I don’t have to.   That’s the crux of it all.   A person chooses the how, why, who and what direction they wish to learn, lead and live their lives.  I am learning that I am the creator and co-pilot of my sphere of influence and it STARTS with me.  It’s okay for a woman to say “today is just for Me” and now today and forever – I say Yes to Me and it is a liberating feeling.  And……not complicated!