Personal Stories

WORST 49ER FAN EVER. **December 2012**

Finally, I said it.  I am.  I have been accused for years of being one of the worst NFL and/or San Francisco 49er football fans.  Especially by my Husband.  I know I need to explain myself  for my bullish behavior and why I have “earned” this title.  Football runs deep in this gals veins.  I may be a “girly-girl,”  but I have a passion for this sport.  I have watched football and attended the games.  I’ve partaken in the tradition of the “office pool” and have won a bet or two.  Sundays are a day that are typically off limits for nothing else but Mr. NFL.  It is sacred and America’s favorite sport.  Sorry MLB and NBA, I like you both but not as much as the pigskin.

My very first football game was O.J. Simpson’s last game for the San Francisco 49ers.  1978 or 1979 I believe.  I was HOOKED.  Too bad O.J. went from running in airports for Hertz to running 30 MPH on an L.A. highway in a white Bronco.  It is what it is.  I fell in love.  Oh wait, NOT with O.J.  The Niners.  Of course, we’ve had our rough times but ultimately we’ve won 5 Super Bowls.  1981, 1984, 1988, 1989 and 1994.  Never lost a game in any Super Bowl match ups either.  I own a PRIZED Jerry Rice signed football.  It’s mine.  It’s not going anywhere.  I am proud of my team.  I miss Joe, Steve, Jerry, Ronnie and Roger…..but we’ve got a great team this year.

I am not allowed to watch the game outside of our home.  I become a real snark.  Please refer to the next paragraphs for an explanation below.  My Husband will tell you it is one of the more “unattractive” traits that I possess as a human being.  Here is why:  I have grown tired in my almost 45 years hearing a lot of  people I know (in my sphere of football influence) bag on my team.  I know that this is 100% childish but I don’t care.  It annoys me that I can sit quietly and watch your insert team here” and applaud when they do well – but when MY TEAM is playing, apparently everyone becomes an asshole.  REALLY?  What are you, twelve?  Okay, so you’ll pick the team playing against my Niners because you hate them so much?  Are you kidding me right now?  Raiders, Dallas, and Packers fans are some of the worst!  Grow up.  Since when did everyone hate San Francisco? 

My Husband would chime in to say that  I am the worst SF fan ever is because I get incredibly annoyed with Raiders fans.  Guess what?  He’s a Raider fan.  So are most of his friends.  Even one of my sisters is a Raider fan.  I don’t buy into the “black hole” or having to just wear black to a Raider game so that no one kicks my ass.  Oh, wearing black and silver does not make you a bad ass or a “gangsta” either.  Having to be “stressed out” when arriving at the Oakland coliseum is not what I call having a good time.  Personally, I think it’s a shit hole.  That’s my opinion.  By the way, when I am in an establishment watching the game – PLEASE STOP yelling “RAIDERRRRRRS” in my God damned ear.  Especially when your teams record is the current joke on any show, website or Meme.  I would be yelling at the Oakland organization as a whole as to WHY the team sucks so bad, not when the Kicker scores a point or two.  When the Kicker is the best performer on the team, it’s time to clean house.  I think the record speaks for itself.

Recently, I was watching the Raider game at an establishment because it was “blacked out.”  My 49ers game was shortly thereafter.  I had the “joy” of sitting next to these two women, who thought they were hot and they were so NOT hot.  Painted eyebrows, too much lip-gloss and appeared to be high on something from another planet.  Wearing their Raiders gear and foul-mouths to boot – SO lady-like.  Two 49ers fan come in, pushing another 49er fan in a wheelchair.  Clearly the gentleman had a disability but he was there to enjoy his day.  I hear the “RAIDERRRRRS” chant the moment they walk in.  They eeeek out a “Niners.”  I chimed in LOUDLY.  These two ladies (hardly) say to the disabled guy “Like OMG, you’re team sucks so bad.”  Really ladies?  HE’S DISABLED!  I turn around and say, “Really?”  In turn, these LOVELY creatures from the dead counter “Bitch, Raiders are winning.”  I lost it.  I turned to them and said “Oh poor babies, you really are stupid.  What’s YOUR RECORD this season?  Awww too bad.”  They shut up and I FINALLY enjoyed the rest of the game.  Yes, I get mouthy.  Especially to people who clearly exhibit stupidity in public places.  Just a shame it was a Raider fan.

When my 49ers are in the playoffs (actually regular season too), I pace the floor in my house.  Literally.  Sometimes I step outside into the backyard for a moment or two.  If it’s a bad call, I scream.  It’s scares the shit out of my dogs and they hide under the bed.  If it’s a really bad play, I yell at my friend Jim.  Yes, Jim Harbaugh.  He’s the coach – that’s who I yell at.  Unless it’s Alex Smith screwing up yet again.  Oh wait, we have #7 Colin Kaepernick.  Bye-bye Alex.  I call him “Mr. Wolf Pack.”  One of the University of Nevada, Reno’s finest.  I have a vintage 49ers glass from the 70’s that is only used during the game.  I honestly believe that if my 49ers are losing the game, I will go into the bedroom and not come out until it’s over.  I think I jinx the team.  It’s THAT BAD.  I know, it’s nuts but it’s true.  At least in my case, it is.  So, I admit it.  I am categorically the worst 49er fan ever and I’ve just realized – I am totally okay with that.


A Crazy 49er Fan.  Go Niners!