Boy, I can tell you all that quitting smoking is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I had to stop. “People” say that at day 3 it’s out of your system. Well, that’s a bullshit lie. I am still coughing up a lung or two. Food still doesn’t taste right and I have this horrific metallic taste in my mouth this morning. God only knows why.
I smoked for a variety of different reasons (excuses). I started after I had found out my ex-husband was having an extra-marital affair with a Phlebotomist. LOL…okay, good choice Dear. That was over, gosh 12 or 13 years ago. It kept my weight down. Of course, then I had to provide for my son on my own. I didn’t want any ties or money held over my head by a man. I am a strong-willed woman and don’t like the “man divorce power trip.” Ever. So that stress kept me smoking. The job kept me smoking. Going out with others kept me smoking. The dogs kept me smoking….I am joking. Any excuse that I could come up with….well I would use it.
Here’s the crux of it all. It’s my best friend and I miss it. I miss my Marlboro Man boyfriend. Mr. Black Menthol shorts. I know that sounds so horrifically sick and stupid, but it’s true. I liked waking up early in the morning, with my cup of Joe and the Marlboro man. To sit in peace for 20 minutes while I smoked 3 or 4 (NO JOKE) to piece out my day. Yep, that’s me. On my breaks at work, to run away from the ever present ringing of the phone for 15 minutes to breathe (HA HA) and have a toke was awesome. Lunchtime! Yes, after I ate – immediately. Dinner too. Blogging and smoking is my favorite thing to do….it’s like being in 1970’s newspaper office. Ahhhhh…..refreshing. Yes, I know. Bad Kelly. Bad.
Now I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve re-arranged the garage. The crap under the sink. The dogs cabinet – of course my babies have a cabinet! Cleaned the house, done the laundry. Today is wash the car, donate at Goodwill, try to read by Bible for solace and then what? Dear lord! It’s maddening. (Cough). Yes, Husband…the gym is on the list too. Now this will make him mad as hell. I am hardly eating. I am TERRIFIED of gaining weight because that’s what happens. People who quit smoking cram food into their mouths. I am avoiding go to the store, or a restaurant because I will probably order the whole God Damned menu. My girlfriend who quit last year gained 15 pounds. I refuse to do it. Maybe I will take up Anorexia instead? I am kidding….I like black humor.
At this point, I am rambling. That’s another thing that happens when you quit smoking. YOU LOSE YOUR MIND for a few days. I know I am. The slightest things are just the last nerve for me. I am literally on a thread. I feel bad for the person who cuts me off in traffic today or the inconsiderate boob who comes into my path. Seriously….it’s bad. Thank god I have fiberglass nails or else the bone would show through from biting my nails to the quick.
I know in the long run…it’s best for me. No more harassment by my Mother, co-workers and friends. However, I will not lie….I do miss riding the horse in Marlboro Country. Giddy-up!