Personal Stories

What is Love?

This post is dedicated to my single friends. It’s a jungle out there ladies.

I thought I would take a peek at the “dating” section of Craigslist because I’ve been wanting to write a piece on what’s out there in the world.  I have single friends who do the online thing (eHarmony, Match, Craigslist) so I wanted to see some of the ads just to see how bad it is.  Trust me, I hear the stories from my single friends looking for friendship and love.  I have to say, after checking out a few ads on the “Men seeking Women” portion of Craigslist, I now “get it.”

By mangee

Now I was always under the impression that the “Men Seeking Women” and vice verse was for dating – not the “I am so horny that I am placing it in the ‘Casual Encounter’ section.”  Holy hell was I in for a surprise.  Here is a taste of a few of the ads:

  • Crazy Monkey love – 28 – (Sacramento) “Perfect night to be naughty…lol.  I host, good looking, fit, my couch (because beds are boring) And that’s some of the details you’ll need about me…lol. Send 2 pictures and your favorite position as the title and maybe we can get something started.”
  • Free Drilling – 49 (Sacramento area) “Having a special for the New Year. I am looking for a woman that enjoys sex. Good looking SWM, 49, about 6′, 190’s, unattached, not into drugs or drinking. If you are looking for the same thing then let’s talk. Everything is more fun with two people. Older or younger is great, Sac area, nice shape, reliable. Let’s talk and see how things go.
  • Mean, ugly Crabby Old Man Seeks Hot Sexy Babe – 44 (Carmichael) “Unemployed Father of nine, (Six different “Baby Mommas”) I know I don’t have the best personality, nor am I the sharpest tool in the shed, and even though I’m overweight, I do try real hard to take care of myself, bathe every few days & brush my remaining seven good teeth. I do struggle with bad breath most of the time, but consider myself an excellent Kisser! I live in a camper in a friends driveway with my 3 cats, & a dog. I’m a fairly clean guy, and I don’t think my lil place doesn’t smell that bad at all. I’m a fun guy who enjoys drinking beer, playing Bingo, & watching CNN with my pets. I feel I have a lot to offer the right Gal.  I’m seeking a very cool, casual, sexual relationship with at least one, (possibly two) Beautiful, sexy, sweet, fun gals. Please be age 21 to 39. Height/weight proportionate, (No BBW please, just my preference) with a cute face, pretty smile, & great personality. must be a great cook, good with pets & children, have own job, place & car. No children is preferred. (Though you might be able to talk me into having one more, if you really want one) I’d much rather you just help raise the ones I already have. The lil one, Mimi, is almost out of diapers, & is quitting biting.  Please reply with face & bod pics, & a bit about you. Put “Hot Lover” in subject line… And hurry, as I’m sure a guy like me won’t last long on the open market! Ttyl, S.”
By birlewphotography
Richard Birlew

My friends are 100% correct.  It is absolutely disastrous out there.  Some of the requirements in some of the ads I reviewed are ridiculous.  “Must be this, must be that.”  Wow.  It’s like applying for a JOB!  I thank God that I am married.  If I ever had to get a divorce (which is NOT going to happen) – I would remove myself from the market altogether and focus on something else. Charity work, writing, planting a garden, being a dog lady but NOT that dating scene.  Good Lord.

By Biscarotte
sophie & cie

However, I do have to say that I have met my toads in my life time.  One of them is my Ex-Husband but I am not going to slander him here.  It wouldn’t be fair.  Although I will say this: He is an idiot.  There has been a plethora of men (that sounds really bad…not THAT many) who have come into my life and exited quickly.  Here is my list of toads:

  • The Firefighter – who on the first date had proceeded to say right after ordering food at Fat’s (not a cheap place) said that a “N*****” as lucky he saved his a** after going into a diabetic coma.  I got up from the table, said an expletive to him about his douche behavior and walked out the door promptly.
  • The Musician #1 – this gentleman who was courting me found out that I suffered from Lupus.  One night he told me after dinner (in public – what a champ!) that I am going to wind up dying from Lupus and not be able to bear him a child.  Wow.  Really?  I never spoke to him again.
  • The Musician #2 – unfortunately this person failed to tell me into 3 months of our dating that his prior girlfriend of seven years did die of Lupus.  He had a very difficult time communicating with me and I ended that failed venture too.
  • The Salesman – first date, the guy shows up at my home and my son said, “I don’t like his hands.”  After going out to dinner, he proceeded to “try” to attack me.  I socked him in the jaw and left the vehicle.  I walked home and I was totally fine with that.
  • The Ex-Con – I had NO CLUE he was a felon and a violent one to boot.  We had dated for two months but things did not add up.  You could never get in contact with him.  When he showed up, he wanted to borrow my car for an errand although he had a car of his own.  Never paid for zip.  I finally had a private investigator friend at the time do some research on this cat.  Long domestic violence rap sheet.  Good-bye!
  • The Motorcycle Guy – I actually dated him for a year.  Found him on  He wasn’t a bad guy per say.  He was just very cold and selfish.  Reason why we broke up NOT once but twice.  The first time: “He wasn’t ready.”  Hmmm okay, so then why come back for seconds?  That was my fault, I shouldn’t have let him back.  Reason for the second time: found out after a trip to San Bernardino to ride with friends that he was dating a friend of mine behind my back.  Ciao a**.

Take a gander where I found these wonderful examples of dirty waste at the bottom of the trash can?  Yes, online dating.  I know of a couple that met on and got married and are super happy.  I work with the wife.  She loves him dearly and they are a perfect complement for each other.  Others are not so lucky.  Now please know that I am not “Man Bashing.”  I think men are wonderful, fun, sexy, smart and strong.  I know my man is and I am happy with him.  He’s my MacGruber.

By Shandi-lee
Shandi-lee Cox

Here is my point: I finally took a year off from dating.  I was picking so many awful men just to fill some “void” that I needed someone that I wasn’t paying attention to myself.  I decided to have fun by myself and/or with my sisters.  That was better than wasting time on guys who really weren’t the caliber of awesomeness I wanted.  Once I was not looking for love, it found me.  It happened on a rainy night in a parking lot of my office nine years ago.  Maybe when you’re looking that’s when you are going to attract and find the toads of the dating world.  It’s okay to step back, reflect on what you want to achieve, do it and then IT (meaning L-O-V-E) will just happen.  That’s the way it should be.