Lost is winning.

I am suffering from what I call “Lost.” Lost in the fact that I am STRUGGLING to write my book.  It has nothing to do with this blog.  Trust me.  I can converse on a multitude of ridiculous subjects, some meaningful and a lot meaningless.  Of course I am my hardest and worst critic ever.

My book about yours truly, my life.  Listen, it’s not like I am a rock star, a President, or anything else superbly special.  However, I do think I have a lot to say.  I believe my story ultimately will help others.  Those who’ve struggled with Lupus, family issues, gaining losing and gaining weight again, men, booze….etc.

The problem is I can’t even get through the outline.   How far into the past should I go?  Do I start with my Grandparents?  Parents?  When I was born?  What parts of my life will really resonate with my readers?  Of course, when I start thinking about all of THAT, it brings up issues I’ve not dealt with.  Should I write this when I am still “doing the work” to get my head on straight?  So I sit and just look at a blank screen most evenings, pondering “now what?”

I find that I am avoiding my laptop on the weekends, because I have a little voice in my head saying “Hello? Remember me? Your book?”  I am beyond frustrated at the current situation.  I am hoping that somehow this lost feeling will slowly go away so I can focus.  I recently asked a question of a very popular blogger:  Do you start with an outline first or just write it all out? He (James Altucher – love him) said write, write, write and write again.  Maybe that’s the ticket?  Who knows.  Just so lost at this point and hopefully I will get the grasp the meaning of all of this……..