I am suffering from what I call “Lost.” Lost in the fact that I am STRUGGLING to write my book. It has nothing to do with this blog. Trust me. I can converse on a multitude of ridiculous subjects, some meaningful and a lot meaningless. Of course I am my hardest and worst critic ever.
My book about yours truly, my life. Listen, it’s not like I am a rock star, a President, or anything else superbly special. However, I do think I have a lot to say. I believe my story ultimately will help others. Those who’ve struggled with Lupus, family issues, gaining losing and gaining weight again, men, booze….etc.
The problem is I can’t even get through the outline. How far into the past should I go? Do I start with my Grandparents? Parents? When I was born? What parts of my life will really resonate with my readers? Of course, when I start thinking about all of THAT, it brings up issues I’ve not dealt with. Should I write this when I am still “doing the work” to get my head on straight? So I sit and just look at a blank screen most evenings, pondering “now what?”
I find that I am avoiding my laptop on the weekends, because I have a little voice in my head saying “Hello? Remember me? Your book?” I am beyond frustrated at the current situation. I am hoping that somehow this lost feeling will slowly go away so I can focus. I recently asked a question of a very popular blogger: Do you start with an outline first or just write it all out? He (James Altucher – love him) said write, write, write and write again. Maybe that’s the ticket? Who knows. Just so lost at this point and hopefully I will get the grasp the meaning of all of this……..